24 Day of Magic: 13 Days left: Oh, the Braves lost. Now everything is fine.

13 Days Left

.5 games up in division, 1.5 games back in wild card

Yesterday, as the Giants flew to Chicago, the Padres played dungeons and dragons together in their hotel in LA, and the Rockies ritually sacrificed a coyote in Arizona, I watched the Niners game with my almost-9-month old baby.

"Look! Niners!" I said.

Rachel stared at the television and then continued her game of picking up her toys and hitting them against the coffee table as hard as possible.

"Frank Gore! Michael Crabtree! Patrick Willis!"

Nothing.

My daughter is the anti-bayarea-sports-talk-radio-caller.

This is what KNBR 680 sounds like on my way to work.

"Alright, Giants are in first place with 13 days to go! Let's take our first caller."

"uhhhhhhh, am I on the air?"

"yes."

"Oh, cool. The niners really got to play some smash-mouth football this week. I mean, really, really, we got to smash their mouths. As many mouths as possible, with as much smashing as possible. I feel strongly about this."

next caller

"I dont' know if I like that Mike Singletary wears a cross around his neck during the press conference. I mean, Jesus would have been a terrible linebacker."

next caller

"NINNNNNNNNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRRRRRRS!"

Which is nice, because honestly, as you've probably figured out, Giants fans are tormented souls and most Giants calls sound like this:

"Why do they play Rowand? Why? Why? I don't understand why Bochy wants to hurt me so much! I'm a nice person, aren't I?"

The only thing that happened yesterday was that the Braves lost to the Phillies, which brought us to within 1.5 games of the wild card. My initial reaction was to be happy, and of course it's better for them to lose than to win. But my second reaction was:

"Oh, the Braves lost. Now everything will be fine."

(sobs uncontrollably)

I mean, let's say the Braves do start losing. Well, if we're winning enough to catch them, we'll probably be winning enough to stay ahead of the Padres and Rockies anyway. And then the fact that the Braves play the Phillies again the last weekend of the season...just doesn't feel meaningful. By that time, the Phillies will be 28 games ahead of Atlanta and instead of starting Roy Oswalt and Roy Halladay, they'll start Roy Barnes and Roy Orbison and the Braves will bring back Fred McGriff just to taunt us and sweep the series.

Still, I guess it's something.

(by the way, if you don't know about McGriff, google "Fred McGriff 1993 Giants")
(by the way part 2: Roy Orbison is one goofy-looking dude)

Meanwhile, the Reds are pulling away from the Cardinals. This is very bad. It means the Cardinals won't care when they play the Rockies and the Reds won't care when they play the Padres. Granted, we're playing the Cubs and their best player just got impaled by a broken bat and their other best player is now on the Braves, and their best pitcher missed three months to go to an anger management yoga camp in the Yucca Mountains, but doesn't that have "Giants lose 2 out of 3' written all over it?

Meanwhile, our offense has put up the following run totals in the last 6 games: 0, 2, 10, 0, 1, 9. Maybe this week we can go for 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6, although that would mean we would lose those last three games to the Rockies 7-6, 7-5, 7-6. Like a tennis match. Oh God. Jason Giambi playing tennis. I feel slightly ill.

My wishes for the last 2 weeks:

Please come back, Andres Torres. You look hilarious when you run, but things were so much better when you were here. And now we know why God created the appendix and the appendicitis: to torture Giants fans.

Please keep hitting homeruns, Jose Guilen. You are so, so slow. If you raced Bengie Molina, you would win, but if you tripped and fell during the race and then hobbled the rest of the way, you would only barely win. That's how slow you are.

Please be "good Sanchez", Sanchez. Just three more times. And then again in the first round of the playoffs. And twice in the NLCS. And twice in the world series. And then after the world series, when Major League Baseball changes the rules because the Giants won the world series and we have to play the little league team from Chinese Taipei. They have small strike zones, and you are so wild! Oh, how I worry.

Please, Javier Lopez. Know what's coming. At some point this weekend, the Giants are going to be winning by 1 or 2 runs and Jason Giambi is going to pinch hit and then you're going to come in to face him. Please, please, please kill him. I mean, strike him out.

Today's Poll Question:

What's your wish for the last two weeks?

A) That Comcast will explode and I won't be able to watch any of it, thus sparing me.

B) Giants, Padres, and Rockies finish in 3-way tie, setting off crazy playoff tie-breaker scenario involving Giants playing both teams back to back and needing to win both games...Andy...what are you doing with that knife? Back up, please. You're scaring me.

C) That anything happen except the Giants going 9-3 and the Rockies going 12-1.

D) NINNNNNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSS