Live Update: GIANTS WIN!

MARMOL!

Oh, wait, not Marmol.

GIANTS!!!!!

Let me just recap here.

Since September 4th, when we allowed (horror) FOUR runs in one game, we have played:

22 games

And we have allowed more than 3 runs in ONE of those games. ONE.

And that was at Coors Field.

That is amazing.

Ok, Padres. Good luck tonight. And remember, only the players who grew up in San Diego, went to college in San Diego, played in your farm system, and have only played with the Padres and no other team...only those players get to have their runs count.

Live Update: Buster Posey...better than Buddha, Mick Jaggar, and the Cookie Monster COMBINED

A 2-1 Giants lead just became 4-1.

Buster went deep. Because, you know, that's what most rookies do in late september. They catch a pitching rotation that features 5 1st round draft choices and 2 cy youngs, bat cleanup, nail baserunners like it's their job, and hit clutch homeruns.

Completely normal.

On a side note, the Dbacks apparently just brought in the whitest man ever created to pitch.

Anyway, my last email got me thinking about Magic vs. Torture.

Here's my breakdown by Giants starter.

Timmy: 80% magic, 20% torture (sometimes he walks guys)

Cain: 60% magic, 40% torture (not his fault he never gets run support!)

Sanchez: 100% magic, 100% torture (he's so good, and SO wild)

Zito: 10% magic, 90% torture (the magic is his curveball)

Bumgarner: I dunno, mostly magic. A little torture.

Later, I'll do the hitters if I have time

Live Update 2: 96% Torture, 4% Magic

The score is 1-1, though by all accounts it should be about 6-1 Diamondbacks.

Madison Bumgarner is pitching the biggest game of his life (the last game he pitched was 2nd biggest, the one before that was 3rd biggest), and he continues to flirt with disaster.

in the 4th he loaded the bases, gave up a sac fly to the pitcher (All dbacks runs in this series have come on homeruns or sac flies by the pitcher. weird), and then struck out Stephen Drew.

in the 5th he allowed two of the first 3 hitters to reach before getting LaRoche and Reynolds out.

The 4% magic would be Sandoval's homer.

Otherwise, following this game on yahoo sports while doing mindless worky work is pretty much pure torture.

24 Days of Magic LIVE UPDATE!

From My Cubicle!

homerun Kung Fu Panda! He's baaaaaaaaaaack

3 hits on Tuesday, 1-3 yesterday, and now a homer to give us a 1-0 lead.

I can't believe I didn't mention Tim LIncecum once in my blog about yesterday. He was sick. He gave up a leadoff homer. And then he was just unbelievable.

My favorite moment by far came in the 7th inning, a moment my friend Ben would appreciate more than most.

He was sick.

He had thrown 110 pitches.

Arizona had 2 guys on and their cleanup hitter up.

2 outs.

Bochy, the manager, jogged out to the mound, not to take Lincecum out for sure, but to check on him to see whether or not he thought he might be done. Two relievers stood in the bullpen and watched, ready to be summoned.

Bochy said something, and Lincecum didn't say a word. Didn't talk. Just looked at Bochy, who promptly turned around and ran back to the dugout.

And then Lincecum struck out Chris Young to end the inning.

That is what your best pitcher is supposed to do.

Oh crap, Dbags are rallying...gotta go

24 Days of Magic: 4 Days Left: We interrupt this pennant race to talk about what an a-hole Mat Latos is

4 Days Left

2 games ahead in division, .5 games ahead in wild card

Last night, Brian Wilson entered the game in the 9th inning, the Giants up 3-1. But something was wrong. Jamie saw it too. The look in Brian Wilson's eyes and in his body language was unmistakable and it was not good. It was fear.

Fear after the leadoff double, and fear after the subsequent groundout. When he walked Mark Reynolds on a 3-2 pitch, more fear. Fear even as he blew a 96 mph fastball past Kelly Johnson. When Chris Young grounded out to end it, fear gave way to a primal scream. But there will be a next time, and now I'm worried.

It makes sense. The following Giants have never played in a playoff game:

Wilson, Romo, Casilla, Runzler, Ray, Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez (Puerto Rico), Bumgarner, Torres, Sanchez (Hollywood), Huff, Posey, Ross, Sandoval, Whiteside, Velez, Ford, etc, etc, etc

By the time Wilson took the mound, the Padres had already won. Suddenly, there was big-time pressure. And Wilson looked like he was being thrown out there with a 76 mph fastball and a 75 mph changeup. Did I mention I'm worried?

-----

Mat Latos is an a-hole. Yesterday he was quoted as saying that hte Padres are a real team, whereas the Giants just "pick up a bunch of guys and put 'Giants' on their uniform' who weren't even on the team before."

Wow, really? Do I even have to refute this? Have you even apologized for breaking Dave Fleming's sun roof?

http://www.prosportsdaily.com/forums/showthread.php?t=485320

Ok, fine. Here I go.

The Giants had the following mid-season acquisitions:

1) Pat Burrell - May. Cut by Tampa Bay, nobody else wanted him. Grew up in Bay Area as a Giants fan. Went to college with Aubrey Huff. Clubhouse leader. Mercenary? Sure, Latos-ter, whatever you say.

2) Ramon Ramirez- July. Wow, we traded for a 7th inning reliever to set up our homegrown set up man and closer.

3) Javier Lopez- July. Another reliever! We traded for two relievers!

4) Jose Guillen - August. Ok, fair enough. Now if you're counting, that's two hitters we've added. I'll come back to that later.

5) Mike Fontenot - August. we traded for a backup infielder because two of our starters has been hurt on and off all season.

and

6) Cody Ross- August. We didn't actually want him off waivers, we just tried to....ready for it....STOP THE PADRES FROM GETTING HIM. Can you believe that? The Padres were trying to get a mercenary! I don't even like Cody Ross! You can have him, Latos. You can break his sun roof, too.

Meanwhile, the Padres acquired MIguel Tejada (their #2 hitter) and Ryan Ludwick (their #4 hitter) via trade in July.

So we each acquired two starting hitters, we happened to also pick up 2 relievers, and a backup 2nd baseman, and then we stopped them from acquiring a 3rd hitter.

And Burrell nobody else wanted, Guillen nobody else wanted, and both are paid virtually nothing by us. It's not like we shelled out 45 million for Prince Fielder at the trade deadline (includes all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet).

-----

In other news, the Rockies lost, dropping them 7 back with 4 to play, and reducing their playoff odds to 67%.

But just to show that I can appreciate other teams' sense of humor, enjoy this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60AqK_rYL34

Ok, so here we go. 4 games left. Up 2 games. See, I can't even focus now. I'm so upset about Mat Latos. The Giants are an awesome team. They are the anti-Yankees. Just because the Padres are broke and have no fans and you're mad because you're like 1-5 in your last 6 starts, dont' take it out on us. we're magic inside. You're not. And Carlos Marmol owns you.

Ok, one more funny Rockies video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83dsfbp2oUs&feature=related

Today, you may get a special treat: a live update during the 12:30pm (pacific) Padres and Giants games.

Today's Poll Question

2 Up, 4 to go. How do you feel?

A) Queesy

B) Is our magic number 0? No? It's 3? Queesy.

C) Great! I feel great! Oh, about the Giants? Ok. I just googled "Mat Latos kills kittens" but nothing came up.

D) Is Marmol pitching today? I'd feel better if Marmol pitched. Can Marmol pitch?

24 Days of Magic: 5 Days Left - Forever Young

5 Days Left

2 games ahead in division, .5 games ahead in wild card

Yesterday's Giants game started out dubiously. Jonathan Sanchez walked the first 14 batters he faced, gave up a sac fly to the pitcher, a homerun to the DBacks' 3-hitter, an almost-homerun to the DBacks' 4-hitter, and looked generally like a young pitcher who has never pitched a meaningful game in the last week of the season.

No worries. He was calmed down by the veteran cool of 15 year old Buster Posey, who took command of the pace of the game, reminded Jonathan Sanchez that nobody ever hits the ball off him when he throws it in the strike zone, and helped the Giants fight back for a huge 4-2 victory in front of a packed, loud, excited, nervous, 40,000 people.

This was in contrast to the Padres, who apparently played, and lost, in front of 10,000 Padres fans and 15,000 Cubs fans, including three people dressed up in full bear costumes.

"He's texting!" Collin yelled at the tv at one point. "The bear is texting!"

Of course he is.

Meanwhile, the Braves won but lost their #3 hitter for the season.

The Rockies lost, dropping them to 6 games back with 5 to go, which downgraded their chances of winning the west to only 74%.

This morning on KNBR, the talking heads actually spent their time talking about the Giants instead of the Niners but they insisted on talking about how last night "felt like a clinching game" and how the Padres "are cooked". Thank you, geniuses. You're talking about a Giants team that has now won a total of 2 games this year since April on days when they were in first place. A lock? A clinch? Perhaps you were on a different planet in 2002?

(shudders violently)

But despite my text to my friend Marcus this morning (who was watching with me in 2002): "we're so close I can taste it...still bracing for horrifying collapse", I have nothing but good things to say right now.

Nothing but good things to say about:

-Jonathan Sanchez, against whom hitters are batting .206 this year. .206. And he's our 3rd best pitcher! That's ridiculous!
-Kung Fu Panda, who is trying SO hard and sucking SO much but who came up huge last night and played a Panda-esque game.

-Carlos Marmol, who again shut down the Padres in the 9th inning. Can he pitch again tonight, too? Please, don't deprive me of more Marmol. I need my Marmol.

As the Giants high-fived, it struck me how much I love this team, and how much personality they have. Our leadoff hitter is a 32-year old rookie. Our #3 hitter and #5 hitters are reunited after playing together in college. One won a world series and now returns home after being cut by the Rays, the other has toiled on bad teams his whole life and never made the playoffs. Our #4 hitter is Jesus, sent from heaven to save us, but with some mystical humility and maturity way beyond his age. Buster Posey is comically perfect. Our #6 hitter is a "clubhouse cancer" who has been on 12 teams in 14 years and only made the playoffs once, but now is on his best behavior. Our #7 hitter is the nephew of a former Giant killed tragically in a car accident, a shorstop with 22 home runs who somehow nobody else wanted. Our #8 hitter is nicknamed Kung Fu Panda. Our closer once uttered the phrase "there's too much awesome in my shoes."

Sigh. I could go on.

Watching the Giants last night, I felt like I was 10 years old again. And that's awesome, because when I was 10, most of my meals involved Top Ramen and Mac and Cheese and..wait...hold on...apparently most of my meals still involve those things. Hmmm. But back then, my biggest worry was that the Giants would lose, and my biggest joy was when the Giants didn't lose. And without making any predictions, and no matter what else happens, right now I can say with absolute certainty that the Giants are magic, inside.

Today's Poll Question:

Carlos Marmol or Meg Whitman?

A) Carlos Marmol.

24 Days of Magic: 6 Days Left: MARMOL!!!!

6 Days Left

1 game up in division, .5 games up in wild card

Last night, the Padres entered the 9th inning trailing the Cubs 1-0.

Cubs closer Carlos Marmol took the mound and promptly struck out the first 2 hitters.

But these are the Padres, the luckiest, most ridiculous team in baseball history. They don't just lose. They mount Padre-Rallies.

Yorvit Torrealba, not the fastest guy in the majors named Yorvit, beat out an infield single.

Chase Headley got hit by a pitch, except he didn't, except they said he did.

Tony Gwynn Jr., he of the .204 batting average, drew a walk.

Bases Loaded.

I wasn't watching any of this, which is why my heart is still functioning.

But the folks at McCovey Chronicles, the Giants blog, were watching and kept a live blog going.

Here's the summary:

First two outs recorded: Yes, Marmol. You are awesome. Finish them off, you awesome Marmol.

Infield single: (Nervous laughter) Of course the Padres would get an infield single. Hahaha. Please God, Marmol, don't blow this.

Phantom Hit-Batter: (anger) You've got to be kidding me, that didn't even hit him. What the hell, ump? C'mon Marmol, DO THIS.

Walk to .204 hitter: (sheer terror) Strikes, Marmol! Throw strikes! What the hell is wrong with you?

Actual quote: "Marmol!! Why do you hate me?"

And: "Transcript of pitching conference: 'Thow strikes, dumbass!'"

And, of course: "Cubs baseball....torture."

But Carlos Marmol, it turns out, is the greatest human being ever and the second greatest Cubs' pitcher named Carlos who pitched yesterday. Some random Padre fllied out to left and while the Cubs' left fielder declined to use two hands to catch the ball, he did in fact catch it. Cubs 1, Padres 0.

And now, an ode to the GREAT CHICAGO CUBS, Winners of the 1908 World Championship!

Yay! Yay Cubs! Yay! Hey, where are all the black and brown people? Oh, whatever. Yay Cubs!

Seriously, I love the Cubs. Love them. Love everything about them. Their drunk fans stubbornly selling out every game despite the 95 losses. Their cute little WGN network that shows Cubs games, the Golden Girls, and Matlock. Their pinstripey uniforms. Everything. I just love the Cubs.

And that Carlos Marmol. Wow.

Yes!

----

Enough about Carlos Marmol, and how awesome he is. Meanwhile, the Braves beat the Marlins' AAA affiliate (the Ft. Lauderdale Old Jews?) 2-1, and moved .5 games behind us for the wild card. But at least the Rockies lost to the Dodgers (oh, NOW you show up!), which means any day now, I can stop thinking about the Rockies. Any day now.

Like today, would be nice.

On the home front, the talk is now centered on the rotation...apparently I'm not the only one who threatened Bruce Bochy's mama's jam. The other suggestion is Lincecum Wednesday so he could pitch sunday if needed or Monday in a one-game playoff if needed. So the options are;

1) Sanchez, Bumgarner, Timmy, Zito, Cain, Sanchez

2) Sanchez, Timmy, Bumgarner, Zito, Cain, Sanchez

3) Sanchez, Bumgarner, Zito, Timmy, Cain Sanchez

But McCovey Chronicles dismissed all 3 ideas and came up with option 4

4) Cain, Cain, Lincecum, Cain, Cain, Lincecum

Bochy won't make a decision until after tonight, although most people think he'll go with options 1 or 2.

It's a 6-game season, and we have a 1-game lead.

Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts.

Thinkgoodthoguhtsthinkgogodthings.

MARMOL!

Today's Poll Question

What is the real name of the Marlins' AAA affiliate?

A) The West Palm Beach Wittle Fishies

B) The Coral Springs Chads

C) The Lake OkeeChokee Humidity

D) I don't know, but apparently they aren't as good as a demoralized, injury-plagued, scared Braves team. Dang.

24 Days of Magic: 1 Week Left: Here we go! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

7 Days Left

.5 games ahead in division, 1 game ahead in wild card

If I was going to recap all that has happened since I last wrote, it would be a long email, and if all you want is game recaps, you can go to espn.com, sort through 457 articles about the Manning Brothers and the Jets, and eventually find what you're looking for.

So here's my quick recap:

Friday: Big Timmy Slim Jim awesome. Brian Wilson gets Jason Giambi to end game. Win 2-1

Saturday: Typical Coors Field horrorfest. 9-6 lead in 7th evaporates. Rockies win on walk-off groundball. Loss 10-9

Sunday: Matt Cain almost throws no-hitter. Strikes out Jason Giambi to end game. Win 4-2

Yes. Jason Giambi's voodoo has officially been destroyed. A reverse hex on the Rockies' purple dinosaur who was standing behind home plate putting a hex on Matt Cain. Seriously.

I told Jamie and Collin about the Dinosaur hex thing last night and they told me I was a big baby and that if the Giants' mascot did that I'd think it was funny. But I'm not the only one who is complaining:

http://www.the700level.com/2009/10/surprisingly-the-rockies-dinosaur-mascot-is-less-than-sportsmanlike.html

or from the Braves' blog:

I’m glad mvs brought up the stupid dinosaur behind the plate.

by ryantex on Aug 26, 2010 4:18 PM EDT reply actions

I hate that stupid thing..

..with an unreasonable hatred.

----

But I digress.

The Padres took 2 of 3 from the Reds, so we remain .5 games ahead. But the Braves continue to fall apart, losing 2 of 3 to the Nationals who have hilariously optimistic announcers, for what it's worth. It's like every day is opening day in Nationals Land and every pitcher is Stephen Strasburg, even if it's actually September, the Nats are 34 games out of first, Strasburg has Tommy John surgery on his eyeballs and the Nats are throwing out the corpse of Livan Hernandez (who is still pretty good, I admit) to pitch.

But I digress again.

So here we are. 1 week left. I don't really know how to feel about life. On the one hand, it's tough not to be optimistic...the Giants are playing well, they're at home, they're leading both races, their pitching is awesome, and the Rockies are pretty much goners. On the other hand, our leadoff hitter is dealing with "expanding scar tissue" on his stomach, our #2 hitter can hit but can't throw, the rules still prevent Buster Posey from batting in all 9 spots in the order, and, more than anything, we are still the San Francisco Giants.

Meanwhile, I am focused like a laser on the fact that the Giants should, but won't, switch Zito and Lincecum in the rotation so that Timmy pitches against the Padres Friday night. Why should they? Below the picture, I offer an indepth analysis:

In depth analysis:

1. Timmy is super duper good

2. Zito is super duper not good

3. We really need to beat the Padres.

Why won't they?

Because baseball teams just don't do stuff like that. They just don't. But I have a plan. I'm going to drive to Alabama or South Carolina or wherever Bruce Bochy's 146 year old mother lives and I'm going to inform her that if she doesn't tell her son to switch Timmy and Zito in the rotation, I'm going to bribe the county fair officials to strip her boysenberry jam of its 2009 first place ribbon.

See, that was just rude. Kind of anti-southern, even, which is not cool since I married a southerner. But this is what a Giants pennant race will do to you. It makes you crazy. It makes you think people are out to get you. It makes you irrationally angry at a giant purple dinosaur. It makes you want to hug Matt Cain (who is very huggable) but also Cody Ross (not as huggable) and maybe even Brian Wilson (a scratchy hug). It makes you go to ESPN.com and when you find out that your team has an 83% chance of making the playoffs, it makes you want to kill ESPN.com.

And tonight, it will make me sit on my couch, watching the Braves and Padres play, while the Giants rest their various ailments (Torres: stomach, Sanchez: shoulder, Zito: wallet engorgement) and, despite all the reasons for optimism, hold a pillow over my face while waiting for the Cubs and/or Marlins to do something stupid that will ruin everything.

At least the Rockies are done.

Or.

Are they?

Today's Poll Question: What is the name of that dinosaur?

A) Dino-Whino

B) Dinger

C) Pokey-mon.

D) Jason Giambi

Hey! A poll question with an actual correct answer! I feel this is progress, somehow.

24 Days of Magic: 10 days left. Die, Rockies, Die!

10 Days Left

.5 games ahead in division, tied for wild card

Last night, I was relaxing at home on my couch, having just watched the Dodgers actually beat the Padres. The Giants had already won 13-0 (of course). The Braves had the day off. All that was left was to watch the Rockies get swept by the Diamondbacks and the day would be a total success. I propped my feet up on the coffee table and continued my fascinating book on the Iran-Iraq war (definitely Iraq's fault) and barely paid attention as the Diamondbacks took a 10 to 6 lead into the bottom of the 8th in Arizona.

Of course, my baby decided this was a good time to wake up and cry.

Goodbye, Ayatollah. Goodbye, Rumsfeld. Goodbye, Troy Tulowitski. (Axis of evil! Axis of evil!)

Hello Rachel.

I fed my baby and as I rocked back and forth in the rocking chair, completely at peace with the world and the pennant race and also the pennant race, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm overtake me. Everything is going to be...ok...

My baby girl drifted gently to sleep and I laid her in the crib and turned on the sound of softly rushing water on her mechanical sheep.

I tiptoed out of the room, and into the living room, and GOOD GOD! IT'S 10-9 IN THE 9TH INNING AND THE ROCKIES HAVE TWO GUYS ON! WHY DON'T THEY EVER JUST DIE? DIE, ROCKIES, DIE!!!!

Well, they died. Franklin Guittierez struck out Melvin Mora on a 3-2 pitch and gestured to The God of Diamondbacks Relievers, who had been on vacation for the past 6 months but returned just in time to save Arizona from losing a game in which they were ahead 8-2 in the 7th inning.

So it comes to this. Giants vs. Rockies. The un-dead zombies are staggering around, wounded, just needing a little stab in the heart to be finished off, and the Giants hitters are going to pass the knife around "You do it!" "No, you do it!" until finally Matt Cain does it by himself.

The Rockies are 3.5 games back.

The Padres are half a game back having actually scored fewer runs than the Dodgers in a game.

And the Braves continue to hide in the corner, hoping nobody in the NL West will notice them, hoping nobody will notice that they peed themselves (losing 3 in a row to Philly), drooled on themselves (losing 2 of 3 at home to the Nats) and, well, completely crapped themselves (losing 2 of 3 last week to the Pirates)

9 games left.

Basically what the last 3 days told us is that this isn't going to end anytime soon. Three teams separated by .5 games, fighting for 2 spots. And the Rockies staggering around in the background, screaming about how somebody needs to get them some goat blood so they can regenerate.

Two notes:

In the last 3 series, the Giants have scored: 0, 2, 10. Then: 0, 1, 9. Then: 1, 0, 13. That's just weird. Stop it, Giants.

Just stop.

And, the Giants set a record yesterday, having allowed 3 runs or less in 17 games in a row. Yes, you read that right. Our record in those 17 games? 11-6. Think about that. Stare at the picture of the parrot above, and then think about that more harder.

9 games left.

Somebody please rock me to sleep and turn on my mechanical sheep. I'm going to need it.

Today's Poll Question:

Which Part of the Giants' win yesterday was the most ridiculous?

A) Juan Uribe hitting 2 homeruns in 1 inning

B) Our pitcher getting 2 hits in 1 inning

C) Jose Guillen getting plunked twice in 1 inning

D) Aaron Rowand striking out 5 times in 1 inning

E) All of it. ALL OF IT.

24 Days of Magic: 10 days left: Frodo Failed, Miguel Tejada Has The Ring

10 Days Left

.5 games back in division, .5 games back in wild card

I don't have time to write an update today, I'm way too busy at work and I'm leaving early to go coach youth baseball which, unlike watching the Giants, makes me happy.

How about this. I'll start writing updates again when the Giants start scoring runs.

Deal?

Deal, Cody Ross?

Deal, Pat Burrell?

Deal, Aubrey Huff?

Deal, Buster Po...oh, sorry, yeah. Haha, never mind.

I'll start writing updates again when the Fodgers actually show up against the Padres.

They've now lost 5 in a row to San Diego. Since when is Los Angeles supposed to lose anything five times in a row to San Diego? What does San Diego have that Los Angeles doesn't? Name one thing. More old people? No. Los Angeles has more of every kind of people. there are probably more people who were born in San Diego living in Los Angeles than are living in San Diego. More Republicans? Not even that. Name one thing.

Aw hell, Giants! I'm sorry if I seem mad. I'm not. You know I love you. Please just try to score some runs, ok? You've scored 1 run in 2 games so far on this road trip. And you're 1-1. So it's ok! You can do it! Please, for the love of all that is good, "do it."

Do it for my dad.

Do it for Rob Schneider and Robin Williams.

Do it for Rod Beck

Do it for Willie Mac

Do it for my baby so she doesn't grow up with some sort of horrible sports complex that makes her feel negative about every sports team that's not her own team because she's so scarred and eventually leads to her spouse telling her that she has a problem.

Do it for that dude who sits in left field and has a crazy beard and is literally at every game.

Do it for all of us who watched in 2002, when we were 8 outs away, up by 5 runs.

Walk to Mordor.

Hide the ring from Miguel Tejada.

Throw it in the damn volcano.

Just this once.

Today's Poll Question

When did you turn off yesterday's game?

A) Line drive. Double Play.

B) When the Cubs scored a run on a wild pitch / ball thrown to 3rd bouncing off runner's stomach

C) Off? I never turned it on. It was season premier night on ABC.

D) In April.

24 Days of Magic: 12 Days to Go: Buster Posey: Better Than You

12 Days to Go
.5 games ahead in division, .5 games behind in wild card
Yesterday, as the Giants took a commanding 1 to 0 lead entering the bottom of the 9th in Chicago, I decided to call my dad, who was recovering from surgery in the hospital.

"Hey Dad," I said. "I need to have you on the phone during the bottom of the 9th for moral support."
"Sorry," he said. "I can't. They're doing stuff to me right now."
"I know, Dad! That's what I mean. They're always 'doing stuff' to us! I mean, 1-0, really? We couldn't score more than 1 run for Matt Cain? And now Wilson's going to load the bases and Fukudome is going to come up and foul off 67 pitches in a row before grounding out and I'm going to end up in the hospital next to you!""No," he replied. "I mean the nurse is changing the tubes."

Oh.
Well, the Giants are in fine September form, loading the bases multiple times but not scoring, laughing at Matt Cain as he returns from throwing another scoreless inning and asks "hey guys, would you mind scoring a run? It'd be really swell," and playing completely tortureful baseball for 7 innings until Buster Posey launched a homerun over the center field wall.

And that's why this email is dedicated to Buster Posey, who is better than you.

Look at these numbers:.323 avg
.373 obp
.522 slugging
15 homers in 380 at bats
And he hasn't even turned 15 yet.

Where would the Giants be without Buster Posey?
1) I wouldn't be writing a blog called 24 days of magic. i'd be writing a blog called: "how soon does college basketball start?" It'd be really boring. Each entry would be like: "only 86 days to go!"
2) Probably still ahead of the Diamondbacks and Nationals.
3) But who isn't?
4) Oh right. Them:

Meanwhile, the Braves lost again to the Phillies, who haven't lost since the all-star break. And while the wild card feels like a good back-up plan right about now, I don't really want to play the Phillies in a 5-game series. Or a 7-game series. Or the Bud Selig 6-game series. (if you get that joke, you really know baseball). My secret plan is that the Phillies will lose in the first round to the wild-card Padres (1-0, 2-1, 1-0) and that the Padres will....AH! WHAT AM I DOING? BAD ANDY!

The Padres whipped the completely useless Fodgers who continue to roll over, kick their little legs in the air and yell "look! celebrities come to our games!" But the Rockies lost in Arizona, and are now 2.5 games back.

Andy: "for the last week, the Rockies have looked like a team that has run out of voodoo magic."
(cue 12 game winning streak to end season)
BAD ANDY!
Why can't you be more like Buster Posey who is better than you?

Today's Poll Question
What is your favorite thing about Buster Posey?
A) His incredible hitting. He's a rookie and a catcher and he's twice as good as every other Giants hitter.
B) His cannon arm. I loved watching the Padres try to steal on him. He threw out 7 different members of the Hairston family plus a deceptively fast Matt Stairs.
C) His name is "Buster Posey". What else do you need?
D) He looks like he's 13 years old. Even his haircut. It's hilarious.
E) Everything. He is the greatest human being ever to walk the planet.
F) The planet? What about other planets?
G) What about non-humans? He's greater than them, too.
H) What about people who just mostly crawl? Like babies?

24 Day of Magic: 13 Days left: Oh, the Braves lost. Now everything is fine.

13 Days Left

.5 games up in division, 1.5 games back in wild card

Yesterday, as the Giants flew to Chicago, the Padres played dungeons and dragons together in their hotel in LA, and the Rockies ritually sacrificed a coyote in Arizona, I watched the Niners game with my almost-9-month old baby.

"Look! Niners!" I said.

Rachel stared at the television and then continued her game of picking up her toys and hitting them against the coffee table as hard as possible.

"Frank Gore! Michael Crabtree! Patrick Willis!"

Nothing.

My daughter is the anti-bayarea-sports-talk-radio-caller.

This is what KNBR 680 sounds like on my way to work.

"Alright, Giants are in first place with 13 days to go! Let's take our first caller."

"uhhhhhhh, am I on the air?"

"yes."

"Oh, cool. The niners really got to play some smash-mouth football this week. I mean, really, really, we got to smash their mouths. As many mouths as possible, with as much smashing as possible. I feel strongly about this."

next caller

"I dont' know if I like that Mike Singletary wears a cross around his neck during the press conference. I mean, Jesus would have been a terrible linebacker."

next caller

"NINNNNNNNNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRRRRRRS!"

Which is nice, because honestly, as you've probably figured out, Giants fans are tormented souls and most Giants calls sound like this:

"Why do they play Rowand? Why? Why? I don't understand why Bochy wants to hurt me so much! I'm a nice person, aren't I?"

The only thing that happened yesterday was that the Braves lost to the Phillies, which brought us to within 1.5 games of the wild card. My initial reaction was to be happy, and of course it's better for them to lose than to win. But my second reaction was:

"Oh, the Braves lost. Now everything will be fine."

(sobs uncontrollably)

I mean, let's say the Braves do start losing. Well, if we're winning enough to catch them, we'll probably be winning enough to stay ahead of the Padres and Rockies anyway. And then the fact that the Braves play the Phillies again the last weekend of the season...just doesn't feel meaningful. By that time, the Phillies will be 28 games ahead of Atlanta and instead of starting Roy Oswalt and Roy Halladay, they'll start Roy Barnes and Roy Orbison and the Braves will bring back Fred McGriff just to taunt us and sweep the series.

Still, I guess it's something.

(by the way, if you don't know about McGriff, google "Fred McGriff 1993 Giants")
(by the way part 2: Roy Orbison is one goofy-looking dude)

Meanwhile, the Reds are pulling away from the Cardinals. This is very bad. It means the Cardinals won't care when they play the Rockies and the Reds won't care when they play the Padres. Granted, we're playing the Cubs and their best player just got impaled by a broken bat and their other best player is now on the Braves, and their best pitcher missed three months to go to an anger management yoga camp in the Yucca Mountains, but doesn't that have "Giants lose 2 out of 3' written all over it?

Meanwhile, our offense has put up the following run totals in the last 6 games: 0, 2, 10, 0, 1, 9. Maybe this week we can go for 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6, although that would mean we would lose those last three games to the Rockies 7-6, 7-5, 7-6. Like a tennis match. Oh God. Jason Giambi playing tennis. I feel slightly ill.

My wishes for the last 2 weeks:

Please come back, Andres Torres. You look hilarious when you run, but things were so much better when you were here. And now we know why God created the appendix and the appendicitis: to torture Giants fans.

Please keep hitting homeruns, Jose Guilen. You are so, so slow. If you raced Bengie Molina, you would win, but if you tripped and fell during the race and then hobbled the rest of the way, you would only barely win. That's how slow you are.

Please be "good Sanchez", Sanchez. Just three more times. And then again in the first round of the playoffs. And twice in the NLCS. And twice in the world series. And then after the world series, when Major League Baseball changes the rules because the Giants won the world series and we have to play the little league team from Chinese Taipei. They have small strike zones, and you are so wild! Oh, how I worry.

Please, Javier Lopez. Know what's coming. At some point this weekend, the Giants are going to be winning by 1 or 2 runs and Jason Giambi is going to pinch hit and then you're going to come in to face him. Please, please, please kill him. I mean, strike him out.

Today's Poll Question:

What's your wish for the last two weeks?

A) That Comcast will explode and I won't be able to watch any of it, thus sparing me.

B) Giants, Padres, and Rockies finish in 3-way tie, setting off crazy playoff tie-breaker scenario involving Giants playing both teams back to back and needing to win both games...Andy...what are you doing with that knife? Back up, please. You're scaring me.

C) That anything happen except the Giants going 9-3 and the Rockies going 12-1.

D) NINNNNNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSS

24 Days of Magic: 2 Weeks Left: I feel slightly ill

2 Weeks Left

.5 games ahead in division, 2 games back in wild card

As bad as Saturday was, Sunday was awesome. It started at 11am, when St. Louis beat the Padres 4-1, continued into the first inning of the Giants game when Barry Zito held the Brewers to less than 1 run and then Jose Guillen crushed a grand slam.

At that point it was:

Total Runs scored by Giants in first two games of series: 1

Total Runs scored by Giants on one swing in game three: 4

But then it got oh so much better when the Rockies blew a 6-1 lead to the Fodgers, who tied the game with 2 outs in the 9th and won it in the 11th.

The Fodgers: Officially less useless than the Mets.

(Yes. That's 3 Mets players standing around staring at a ball that's fair.)

So now it comes down to this. Two weeks.

Giants up half a game on San Diego and 1.5 games up on Troy Tulowitski's Fightin' Mullets.

My thought process:

1. Zito won! Wow!

2. And he can count to 10!

3. There are 2 weeks left.

4. I feel slightly ill

It's not my fault I feel slightly ill.

It's not even Zito's fault.

It's not even Giambi or Mike Adams' fault!

It's possibly only partly Aaron Rowand's fault.

I feel slightly ill because this can only end one of two ways.

Either we miss the playoffs and I spend the next 6 months agonizing about all the games we lost 2-1 because Pablo Sandoval hit into 3 double plays in the first 3 innings, OR...well, there's another, far more horrible option.

We could MAKE the playoffs.

Oh man, can you imagine how slightly ill I will feel then?

Can you imagine the agony of the Giants in a five-game series?

I won't sleep, I won't eat, I'll have nightmares about Rob Nen and Jose Cruz Jr. Fox will show flashbacks to Scott Speizio and Troy Glaus and Troy Percival and Troy, the motion picture (whch is possibly worse than even Troy Percival). TBS will show a game and Craig Sager will wear a florescent suit.

It will be bad.

Today, absolutely nothing interesting happens except the Braves play the Phillies.

Tomorrow, the Padres play the Fodgers, the Rockies play Arizona, and we play the Cubs, who apparently still have a baseball team. Who knew?

Today's Poll Question

Do you also feel slightly ill?

A) Yes.

B) Yes

C) Yes

D) No. I root for an American League team. We don't have pennant races. We have auctions. Oh, and we have the Rays. They are quirky and fun! They are exempt from the auction as they have spent all their money on cowbells.

24 Days of Something: Day 9 (I think?)

Day 9 (I think?)
.5 games ahead in division, 1 game back in wild card

I'll be honest, I barely watched last night. I was busy screaming at the television as Cal went down in horrid flames against a WAC school. Being a Cal fan is like being a Giants fan but worse because Cal doesn't have Buster Posey.

While Cal was getting torched, the Giants were getting....somethinged. They lost 3-0 to a team that has no pitching. They made 2 errors. They allowed Randy Wolf to throw a complete game shutout against them. It was just...lame.

And yet, it lacked a dramatic sense of foreboding, because in St. Louis, the Padres were getting beaten like they'd attacked Tony LaRussa's shelter for stray pitbulls. And while LaRussa didn't come running out of the shower with a towel around his waist yelling like a crazy man...

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/La-Russa-angry-and-wet-after-Phillips-calls-Card?urn=mlb-261411

...what the Cardinals DID do was hammer Mat Latos and the rest of the Padres pitching staff 14-4.

With the Padres self-destructing, Giants fans have to feel good. Oh God. Wait. I almost forgot.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/recap?gid=300917119 ["Colorado’s Jimenez beats Dodgers for 19th win"]

Thank you, Dodgers. You're so helpful.

As for the wild card, the Mets were predictable yesterday, staking themselves a 3-0 lead before giving up 6 runs in one inning to a team that last week got shut out by the PIRATES.

Tonight, Timmy Slim Timmy Jimmy Jim is on the mound. But the thing with the Giants is, it doesn't really matter who pitches as long as it's not Zito. It's not like Bumgarner got lit up. He gave up 2 runs. It's not like with the Rockies where they'll lose because Not-Ubaldo is pitching and then the next day they say "oh, thank goodness Ubaldo is pitching today."

The last 6 Giants losses were by the following scores:
3-0
1-0
1-0
3-1
4-2
2-1

So it's not like we lose 1-0, and then go "oh good, Sanchez is pitching tomorrow. Now we'll score more than 0 runs for sure!"

Today's Poll Question
What does Tony LaRussa look like with a towel on?
A) Scrawny and weird. Does he wear his glasses in the shower?
B) I bet he's tatted up like crazy.
C) Please, Giants, please play a more interesting game today. I don't want another poll question like this.
D) Funny you should ask! See, this one time...

24 Days of Magic: Day 8: First Place

Day 8: First Place

.5 games up in Division, tied for wild card

First place.
That's where winners go.
The Giants are winners.
As such, the Giants are in first place.
Bucky Katt Paraphrased
Last night, a 1st place team beat the living crap out of a 4th place team. Nothing too fancy...the first place team hit 3 home runs, including a mammoth "you will all know my name!" shot from their rookie catcher and a "thank god, now I don't have to run after I hit the ball" shot from its aging right fielder.

The first place team's starting pitch...ok, I can't do this anymore. Guess what?? I'm talking about the Giants! Yeah! No, seriously, the whole "first place team" thing I was doing...that's the Giants! Yeah! Posey! Guillen! Giants! Gigantes! San-Fran-cis-co-Giiiiii-ants. Jonathan Sanchez had 12 k's! He even struck out Joe Torre and made him retire! He struck out Tommy Lasorda. He struck out Jackie Robinson. He struck out Pee Wee Reese AND Pee Wee Herman! The Giants are in first place! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Ahem.
Ok, so it gets better.
1) The Padres lost 4-0 to the Cardinals and looked BAD. They have 3 more games in St. Louis while...
2) We play the lame Brewers at home and
3) The Braves have to go to New York where the Mets are 41-27 (the Mets are 2-86 on the road).

Holy crap. We could do this. We could make the playoffs.
And if we made the playoffs...

And our starting rotation was:
Timmy, Cain, Sanchez
And maybe we'll get the Reds in the first round, and the Braves in the NLCS. And the Royals in the world series

And then...

And then...

Oh wait, this just in:

Albert Pujols ate bad sushi last night and has contracted a 72 hour bug that will cost him the rest of the Padres series. As such, the Cardinals will start a lineup consisting of 9 guys named Skip and Colby and the Padres will win the next three games by scores of 2 to 0, 1 to 0, and 0 to negative 1. David Eckstein will go 0 for 4 with 5 runs scored. And Mike Adams will do whatever it is that Mike Adams does when he's not invading Klingon territory.
Hold on, this just in:

The Mets really suck.

C'mon, Baseball Gods, can't I just have this one day? Just one? It's September, it's foggy, the Giants are in first place, and just for one day, can I dream about that parade down Market Street without having to worry about the absolute fact that something will go wrong to prevent it? Let me keep my dream. Tony Gwynn the 7th won't lead off the Padres-Cardinals game with an inside-the-park grand-slam for another two and a half hours or so. Let me have those 2 and a half hours. They belong to me, and Buster, and the Crazy Crab.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D84Z7vc38Aw/SkTtYCJZPCI/AAAAAAAABFs/8Hd27F39Kcg/s320/crazy_crab.jpg

Today's Poll Question
If GMAIL wasn't being weird and not letting Andy post pictures into this email, which picture from this entry should he have posted?
A) Jonathan Sanchez striking out Pee Wee Herman
B) Mike Adams negotiating with Klingon admirals
C) A picture of the Mets sucking.
D) A Giants championship parade down Market Street
Actually, this trivia question could be thought of as "which of these is not fictional?"

And the answer, of course, would be:

Andy

24 Days of Torturous Magic: Day 7: The Stopper

Day 7: The Stopper

.5 games back in division, .5 games back in Wild Card

I like to think I know how Barry Zito's contract negotiations with the Giants went back in 2007.

Something like....this...

Zito: The A's and Yankees are offering $6 million a year.

Giants: Ok, we'll give you $18 million a year.

Zito: And I want a guitar

Giants: Two!

Zito: And a 5 year contract.

Giants: no, no. We'll give you 7 years.

Zito: And my own stopper.

Giants: Two stoppers! Wait, what?

Zito: You know, my own stopper. You know how every team has a great pitcher who steps up when the team is on a losing streak and acts as "the stopper"? Well, I plan on pretty much sucking most of the time and I don't want the fans to spend 5 days thinking about how much they hate me. So I'd appreciate it if you could have somebody pitch right after me and be my own personal stopper. Somebody kind and gentle. Somebody with a slight twang; a married guy with 2 dogs who doesn't cheat on his wife and looks like a goober when he doesn't get his hair cut.

Hmmmm...if only we had somebody like that....

(Look! He's holding that thing you use to throw tennis balls to your dogs!)

Here we go:

Aug 22: Zito loss

Aug 23: Cain win

Aug 28: Zito loss

Aug 29: Cain win

Sep 3: Zito loss

Sep 4: Cain win

Sep 8: Zito loss

Sep 9: Cain win

Sep 14: Zito loss

Sep 15: Cain win

Now, when I say "Cain Win", I don't actually mean that Cain won. I mean the Giants won. The Giants don't score runs for Matt Cain...that would be silly. Rather, they make him sweat it out, usually trailing 2-1 when he leaves, and then come back later. Or he leaves up 1-0 and the bullpen blows it and then they win later. It's all fun and games. "Aw shucks, guys," Cain will say. "Almost had a win that time!" And everyone will laugh and laugh and then everyone else goes out to the club while Cain goes home and plays scrabble with his wife.

I like Matt Cain.

Anyway, last night, the Giants broke a 0-0 tie in the 7th on an error, sac bunt, wild pitch, and 2-out bloop broken bat bloop single. In other words, we David-Ecksteined them. Take that, Fodgers.

With two outs in the 9th, Andre Ethier hit a homerun off Brian Wilson to make it 2-1. Up stepped Jay Gibbons. Count goes to 1-2. Wilson winds up.

And then...slow motion...he turns to Ethier.

"Hey."

(Ethier) "You talking to me?"

"Yeah. Nice hit."

"Oh. thanks."

"So, how come Rhianna's dating Kemp and not you?"

"Uh..."

"Your manager looks like droopy dog."

"uh..."

"Good talk."

(Blows fastball past Gibbons to end game)

It's magic inside.

Today's Poll Question

Did you know that the Dogers rearranged their pitching staff to make sure they threw their 3 best pitchers against the Giants?

A) No. What punks.

B) I know! They're such a bunch of punks

C) They would do that, wouldn't they. That's just like them. Ethier didn't even play every game against the Padres. God I hate the Dodgers.

D) Honestly, we'd do the same to them. Because they are punks.

24 Days of Torture: Day 6: You are thinking I am making this up?

Day 6: You are thinking I am making this up?

1.5 games back in division, 1.5 games back in wild card

1 hit.

Yesterday, the Dodgers got one hit.

Wow! Great! What a big win for the Giants!

Win? Clearly you have not been paying attention.

Going into thursday, our Giants were 2 games back of San Diego. We fought and battled and won 3 huge games in a 4 game series against the Padres. On the road. We erased 2 games. Two days later, we have allowed 1 hit, and we're back to being 1.5 games back.

Zito, channelling his inner Patrick Duffy (his more successful, more talented uncle from Step by Step), allowed 1 hit and no earned runs. But in the 6th the Dodgers loaded the bases and with 2 outs a ball was hit up the middle and Juan Uribe fielded it. But then he dropped it. Normal people would react by saying "damn. well, it's only 1 run and it's only the 6th inning." Giants fans knew the game was over right there. Might as well flip to the Rockies-Padres game.

Padres 7, Rockies 6

You are thinking I am making this up? It happened again. The Padres started Inspector Garland and the Rockies started Not-Ubaldo. This time the Padres went up 4-0 but of course 4-0 became 4-3. And 6-3 became 6-4. And 7-4 became 7-6 because Mike Adams was out with a sore antenna.

7-6. Bottom of the 9th. Heath Bell vs....Giambi, of course.

Jamie: "I think he's back on roids. All his fat has become muscle and he looks slightly psychotic."

Andy: "Can you imagine if he and Heath Bell chest-bumped? Watch, he's going to walk, homer, or hit the ball off somebody's head."

vs.

Giambi took 4 pitches, each of which was exactly 2 millimeters outside and each of which was called a ball.

Giambi yelled 'Me hate walk!' and took a bite out of his bat before being pinch-run for.

But of course the next guy hits into a double play to end the game.

Shoot me now.

TODAY'S POLL QUESTION

Is it normal for a team in a pennant race to lose a game in which they give up 1 hit?

A) Yes, of course. I mean, it happened yesterday.

B) I'm sure it happens all the time. I mean, it happened yesterday, and then, uh, let's see...I mean, it happened yesterday.

C) For the Giants, it's normal.

D) Shoot me now. Is that a picture of Heath Bell stuffing his face? I have a headache.

24 Days of Magic: Day 5

Day 5: How the West Works

.5 games back in division, 1.5 back in wild card

Last summer, Collin and I spent pretty much all of our time watching the Rockies as the Giants unsuccessfully chased them for the wild card. It wasn't a pleasent experience by any means, although it did help us bond around our common hatred. See, over time, we realized thatevery Rockies home game is exactly the same.

1. One of the 4 Rockies starting pitchers not named Ubaldo would pitch and give up 6 runs in the first 4 innings.

2. The Rockies would trail by 4-9 runs in the bottom of the 7th at which point the other team's manager calls down to the bullpen and demands that the bullpen send him "the worst f$%ing pitcher we have. Now."

3. The Rockies immediately trim 60-80% of the lead in the 7th.

4. The other team brings in a good pitcher in the 8th and the Rockies rally but are stil trailing with 2 outs.

5. Jason Giambi is called upon to pinch-hit.

6. Every Rockies fan stands and claps, drool dribbling down their chins

7. Giambi fouls off 13 pitches and then doubles/homers/singles/hits the ball off somebody's head

8. Rockies win.

This summer, I've watched pretty much every Padres game I can. I have found that they, too, have a system.

1. One of the 7 Padres starting pitchers who nobody has ever heard of and who has a name like a French Police Inspector (Wade LeBlanc, Clayton Richard, Tim Stauffer, Cory Luebke, Mat Latos, Jon Garland) pitches 6 innings and allows 0-2 runs.

2. The Padres will score exactly 3 runs on 2 hits, 4 walks, 2 catchers' interferences, 3 errors, 5 stolen bases, and a well-placed ground ball by David Eckstein

3. One of the Padres goofy slider-throwing relievers with 2 first names (Luke Gregerson, Mike Adams, Adam Russell) comes in and shuts down the other team. A new one comes in for the 8th and does the same.

4. Heath Bell pitches the 9th. I turn off the televsion. It's pointless.

5. Padres win

So last night, I was curious to see what would happen when they played each other. After all, they both can't win. Can they? CAN THEY?

For the first 7 innings, everything was perfect:

The Padres started Cory Luebke who is their 8th best starter (they need extra starters for when Latos has anger management classes).

He of course gave up 0 runs in 4 plus innings

The Rockies started Not-Ubaldo. He gave up 5 runs in 7 innings.

The Rockies fell behind 5-0 and immediately scored 4 runs to make it 5-4.

The Padres brought in Gregerson and the Rockies didn't score.

And then in the 8th, it happened. The universe almost collapsed.

With 1 out and 1 on, Jason Giambi rose from the dugout like a roid-filled troll.

Mike Adams stood on the mound.

The TV flashed Adams' numbers: 0.9 ERA in august. 0 era in September.

The count goes to 0-2.

1-2

2-2

Giambi fouls off 8 pitches in a row

Adams throws him a 96 mph fastball located on the outside corner and Giambi swats it foul.

Adams does his goofy "look! I'm about to balk!" windup and throws a 94mph slider at Giambi's massive right thigh, and Giambi catches the ball and eats it.

3-2

And now I realize that the universe is about to collapse. Because Giambi can't fail and Adams can't fail. Something is going to fail and then life on earth will end.

Adams throws a fastball and Giambi yells "Me hit ball hard!" and slams it on a line toward right field, but Adrian Gonzalez catches it and steps on 1st for a double play.

Of course. Of course that is how it would end.

Today's Poll Question

Why has Mike Adams' right arm not fallen off yet?

A) Because half the sliders he's thrown were to Aaron Rowand and he pretty much half-assed them since the result was guaranteed

B) Because McCovey Chronicles is right: Mike Adams probably isn't even really Mike Adams. There are probably 10 different slider-throwing goofs out there, each one "formed from mud like an orc." and the Padres just change them when they break down.

C) Because God hates the Giants

D) Because somebody had to slay the mighty Giambi. Now that his work on earth is done, Adams will return to his home planet.

Andy

24 Days of Magic: Day 4

Day 4: Monday, September 13

Tied for division lead, 1 game back in wild card

What a great weekend.

After winning 2 of the first 3 games against the Padres (two of the games were 1-0, of course), we were all set for the finale on Sunday: Mat Latos (owner of best ERA in the majors) vs. Tim Lincecum, otherwise known as Big Time Timmy Jim.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfI8EjoBJYU

In the first inning, Latos struck out Aaron Rowand (more on the horror of that later), Freddy Sanchez, and then gave up a bloop hit to Aubrey Huff. Giants announcer Dave Fleming then remarked that Latos was showing his temper by yelling at himself about a meaningless 1st inning 2-out single. Ha! Meaningless? Not when Buster Posey is up next and hits a 2-run homer.

Giants 6, Padres 1. Tied for first.

Interesting side note: Mat Latos once threw a baseball and hit Dave Fleming's car, shattering a window. True story.

Also a true story: Dave Fleming, as Stanfurd's football announcer, has probably interviewed Stanfurd head coach Jim Harbaugh about his $50,000 bathroom:

http://blogs.mercurynews.com/collegesports/2009/08/24/stanford-football-harbaugh-arrillaga-and-the-50000-bathroom/

But I digress.

Those of you on this list who are not Giants fans might be thinking that all my talk about the Giants blowing it is hyperbole. Not true! Bill Simmons of ESPN.com ranks the Giants as the 6th most tortured sports franchise of all time, and given that several of the more tortured teams are from Cleveland, that's saying something.

But if you want more proof, how about this? Remember when i said Aaron Rowand couldn't hurt us anymore because he never plays?

Well, Sunday morning, starting center fielder Andres Torres woke up with a stomach pain.

A BAD stomach pain.

It was appendicitis.

He's out 2-3 weeks.

Which is bad because there's like 2-3 weeks left in the season.

His replacement?

Yep.

And how did Mr. Rowand do in the Giants' 6-1 win?

0 for 5

So now we come home to play the Dodgers, which is like playing a minor league team that really, really hates you.

Meanwhile, the Padres play the Rockies, who have won 10 straight games and are only 1.5 outof first. The Rockies are so annoying, it's hard to put it into words.

Hmmm. Maybe not words.

How about a picture?

Today's Poll Question:

Who are you rooting for? The Rockies or the Padres?

A) Well, definitely not the Padres

B) Well, definitely not the Rockies

C) Maybe it will snow? Like, a lot?

D) I am at peace with the fact that I cannot know which of these two teams will do better over the next 3 weeks and therefore I will simply observe and hope for an outcome that is beneficial to the Giants, and more importantly to Buster Posey who is all I ever need in life to be happy.

E) I'll take D, but without the creepy ending.

Andy

Introduction: 24 Days of Magic

Hi everyone-

Televisions in the Bay Area are awash with Giants commercials, all of which begin:

"Come to the park. And see for yourself, why it's magic inside."

The commercials aren't that funny, honestly, except for the slightly creepy one in which eccentric Giants closer Brian Wilson's windup becomes slow motion and he turns to a fan and asks if he's having a good time.

Wilson: "What's up."

Fan: "Are you talking to me?"

Wilson: "yeah."

Fan: "Really?"

Wilson: "yeah, you having a good time?"

Fan: "Yeah! It's awesome!"

Wilson: "Is that your girlfriend?"

Fan: "Uh, yeah, why?"

Wilson: (smirks, and then throws 96mph fastball for strike 3)

I'll be honest, I'm bored at work. And being bored at work makes me feel dull and lifeless. And when I'm dull and lifeless, I feel better when I write. So I had a brilliant idea. Why not write a blog about the Giants and send it to anyone who remotely cares?

That's right! 24 days of Magic! Andy's September/October Giants Blog.

Day 1: Friday, September 10th, 1 game back in wild card, 1 game back in division

Last night was awesome. I mean, really, really awesome. For those who dont' know, the Padres have killed us this year. Well, killed is the wrong word. They've beaten us to death with a nerf hammer. They've beaten us 3-2, 1-0, 5-2, 3-2, 5-2, 1-0, 3-1, 3-2 and then finally 8-2, although I'm convinced we gave up the last 5 runs in that game on purpose just to mix things up. Going into yesterday, we'd beaten them exactly 2 times, both by 1 run in extra innings.

So last night, when Andres Torres led off with a triple and we hit 4 home runs and won 7-3, it felt good...magic even.

The best part was, none of the Padres goofy relievers got into the game. Luke Gregerson didn't pitch. Heath Bell didn't pitch. And for the love of all that is good, Mike Adams didn't pitch.

Mike Adams. I wish he was the guy on the left in this picture, but he's not.

The question on most Giants' fans' minds is: how will we blow it this year?

Most of us assume that it will involve Aaron Rowand or Barry Zito, but since Rowand never gets to play anymore, it's hard to see how he will be the one. That leaves Zito, the only Giants starter to lose in the last 2 weeks. Of course, there's always the chance an unlikely Giant will step in to deal the inevitable crushing blow. In 2003, for instance, a guy who had made roughly 2 errors in his entire career dropped a fly ball in the playoffs. In 2004, we gave up a playoff-hope-ending grand slam to 65 year old Steve Finley. And in 2002, we....oh, I can't even go there.

How will the Giants blow it this year?

Vote for your favorite choice!

A) Barry Zito takes 6-0 lead into 5th inning of decisive game and walks 11 people in a row.

B) Giants load bases in bottom of 9th of decisive game with no outs and hit into a rare quadruple play

C) They just generally suck for the next 23 days and finish like 5 games out

D) I don't know, but it will somehow involve David Eckstein

Tonight: Giants vs. Padres. Clayton Richard vs. Jonathan Sanchez. Win = tie for first! Loss = Clayton Richard beats us for 8th time this month.

Andy