41 Days of Horrid Torture: NLDS Headlines

NLDS COMPLETE
Giants 3, Braves 1

Today's headlines from the NLDS

"Giants torture fans for five days, pour champagne on each other, fly home on chartered jet."

Jerks.

"Giants barely survive series against injury-plagued flawed wild card team, win mostly thanks to errors, prepare to face best baseball team of last 15 years."

Um.

"HOLY CRAP WE WON!"

YAY!

But the most fitting has to be:
"Giants blow NLDS to Braves, losing heartbreakers in games 2 and 3, demoralized and offensively impotent in Game 4...wait, what? We won?"

Because this series was very much like previous Giants adventures in heartbreak. A game 1 win to get our hopes up. An unbearable game 2 loss that we HAD. And then a terrified shaky performance in game 3 that comes crashing down when Eric Hinske (according to Jamie, he looks like the guy from King of Queens) hits his soul-crushing 2-run homer to take the lead in the 8th. In the top of the 9th, our leadoff hitter popped out. Travis Ishikawa pinch-hit and the count went to 2-2. Then 3-2. And then...he walked. Ok. But then a strikeout to Torres. And when Freddy Sanchez swung and missed at the first two pitches, the ending was all too familiar, and all too certain. But then....it didn't happen. Sanchez singled. Huff singled. Posey hit the ball to Brooks Conrad on purpose because Posey is perfect and all things he does are perfect. The ball went through Conrad's legs, and Sanchez scored the winning run. And Wilson didn't blow it. What universe is this?

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcROddpJabPIEepUNzsmPezZ7N_dmJMpcqHVZal_PRgm6neGeTk&t=1&usg=__WdZxjjdtnwkWvZsIY9_gWyuaVJ4=
vs.
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTttLvqQ3SBJQ6KP2mrx6DqssTSXYmHbmSmaF6dhsIP6vHwEz0&t=1&usg=__9g1F3FTadkNw2iYalUio4kEbUNQ=

Crazy. Maybe they are the same person? Maybe the King of Queens dude hit a homerun off Sergio Romo? Maybe I could hit a homerun off Sergio Romo? Maybe my great-great grandmother from the old country could hit a homerun off of freakin' Sergio Romo??

Moving on.

Last week I meant to have an email about my selections for the NLDS roster. I never got a chance, but here's what I was going to write:

"No matter what the Giants do about Zito, the most important thing is that they put Cody Ross on the team. If they do, I have no doubt that Cody Ross will hit a game-winning single in Game 1, an RBI popout-error thingy in Game 3, a game-tying HR in Game 4, and then the series-winning hit, which will probably end up between short and third and cause Derek Lowe to utter numerous obscenities."
Dated: October 7

Some NLDS notes:

Total Earned Runs allowed by starters: 3
Total Earned Runs allowed by Romo: 3

-How hilarious is Brian Wilson? Here's a quote from yesterday. "First of all, I was hoping it wouldn't be a one-run game, but of course it's a one-run game, because it's always a one-run game. So then I'm just trying not to make it interesting, but of course it gets interesting because it always gets interesting. But then you make your pitch, and after that, you do what you want....that's baseball, and that's what we play."

(He then turned to Buster Posey, who was next to be interviewed, and said: "Hey, buddy. Nice job.")

-The only time either team had a lead of more than 1 run at any point in the series was when the Giants led 4-0 in game 2. Of course, they then lost.

-How sorry do you feel for the Phillies, who have no idea what they're in for? At some point, Roy Halladay is going to have a 4-pitch inning. Pat Burrell will fly out to left, Juan Uribe will try to pull an outside curveball and ground out to short, and then Cody Ross will take 1 pitch and then pop out to second. The Philly fans will go crazy. And then Timmy will strike out Utley, Howard, and Werth on 9 straight changeups in the dirt, and Philly fans will be like "wait, what? Are they good or not? We can't figure it out! Should we be worried? Why is their closer dying his beard? If they never score any runs, how did they get to the NLCS? Jeet yet?"

Sorry, Philly. Can't help you. But yes, you should be worried. Because we are magic inside. You are not. You are just a baseball juggernaut. You have great starting pitching, we have great starting pitching. You have a great offense, we have great starting pitching. It's going to interesting. Or we'll get swept. Whatever. Bring it.

Today's Poll Question
Did you think we were going to, you know, completely blow that series?
A) No. Because I didn't watch.
B) Only in 3 of the 4 games.
C) Only when the Giants were hitting. I kept waiting for them to score negative runs.
D) Is it over? I'm still under my couch.

32 Days of Magic: We Interrupt This Playoff Series to Bring You Hindsight

Game 2 of NLDS

Giants Lead 1-0

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the 2006 Major League Baseball Amateur Draft.

1. Kansas City Royals: Luke Hochevar, RHP

Luke had a 6.54 ERA in 2009

2. Colorado Rockies: Greg Reynolds, RHP

Through 2008, his career ERA was over 8.00

3. Tampa Bay Rays: Evan Longoria, 3B

Great choice! Solid player. All-star.

4. Pittsburgh Pirates: Brad Lincoln, RHP

Career era of 6.57

5. Seattle Mariners: Brandon Morrow, RHP

He threw a 1-hitter this year, but his career ERA is 4.09

6. Detroit Tigers: Andrew Miller, LHP

Career ERA of 5.5

7. Los Angeles Dodgers: Clayton Kershaw, LHP

A solid choice. Career ERA of 3.17

8. Cincinnati Reds: Drew Stubbs, OF

Had a good year this year, but career average of .258

9. Baltimore Orioles: Bill Rowell, 3B

Never made the majors

10. San Francisco Giants: THIS GUY:

http://www.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=12772617

14 strikeouts.

2 hits

1 walk

In one inning, he got 9 swings and misses. NINE.

Bill Rowell? BILL ROWELL? How much would it suck to be an Orioles fan???

31 Days of Magic: Playoff Preview: Giants vs. Braves

Tuesday, October 5. 2 Days Until Game 1

Ahhhh, the Braves. When I think Braves, I think;

1. Tomahawk Chop

2. 1993 (HORROR)

3. 2002 NLDS (glorious)

4. Bobby Cox yelling at umpires

5. John Rocker!

Let's take a minute to remember John Rocker:

“Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you’re riding through Beirutnext to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”

Nice.

I'll be honest...I dont' like the Braves. Now, the old school Braves, that's different. My dad grew up a Boston Braves fan, but then they moved during Reconstruction. My grandpa rooted for them no matter what city they played in. Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn...they were awesome.

But the Braves of Mark Lemke and Jeff Blauser, Javy Lopez, Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Fred McGriff, Terry Pendleton....see? I remember every player from a team 15 years ago that I didn't even root for. That tells you how annoying they were. They won the division every year for 14 straight years, and they were on tv all the time thanks to TBS and I had to stare at this dude all the time.

You can't really tell, but it's actually very mullett-ish.

But it doesn't matter if I like the Braves or not because we are playing them in the playoffs. We could be playing a team full of adorable orphaned puppies and kittens and I'd be fired up about whipping some ass.

Giants vs. Braves 2010: Head to Head

It started with our home opener, when Edgar Renteria homered in the 9th inning to tie the game and Aaron Rowand hit a walk-off infield single. Ahhh, those were the days. When Renteria and Rowand did crazy things like make contact with a baseball with their bat.

My favorite game was two days later when:

a) I caught my first ever foul ball. Well, maybe not caught. I picked it up off the ground.

b) Timmy gave up a 2-run homer in the 1st and then was just silly good the rest of the game

c) Panda crushed a game-clinching splash-hit

View Highlights here!

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7400399

Wow is Timmy good. I mean....Sheesh.

Things were not so good in August when we went to Atlanta and lost 3 out of 4, the only win coming when we rallied from 1-run down in the 9th in an inning that included two errors, a walk, and a sac-fly. (Insert David Eckstein joke here).

So, to recap, we won 3 games, lost 4, and two of our wins involved 9th inning comebacks.

Hmmmm.

But the "good' news is that the Braves are playing without Chipper Jones who broke a hip while square dancing, and Martin Prado, who broke a hip while playing baseball. The other good news is that Braves ace Tim Hudson won't pitch Game 1 as he had to pitch the last day of the season because the Braves are suckers who needed to win their last game just to make the playoffs. Ha.

Honestly, we're better than they are. This is backed up by a series of computers who ESPN pays to do computery things. According to Collin, the computer told ESPN that there's a 58% chance we'll win the series, news he then relayed to me and which I am relaying to you. So pass it on.

But of course, the real question is:

What Kind of Torture Can We Expect From This Series?

Lots of torture!

The general torture of playoff baseball and the acute torture of Giants baseball will combine with a number of specific types of minor torture to create a torture level so high that Dick Cheney will be taking notes.

*The "oh god, Timmy doesnt' have his stuff" torture. Imagine Game 1. Crowd juiced. Leadoff walk. Next batter is Jason Heyward and count goes to 3-1. Are you even still watching at that point? No. No you aren't.

*The "oh no it's the 6th inning, we haven't scored yet, and the Braves are going to bring in their crazy good bullpen people any minute now." torture. Not as bad as if you're playing the Reds and waiting for Aroldis Chapman to show up, but still bad. The Braves have a pitcher named Jonny Venters who throws 99. Of course his name is Jonny. All Braves pitchers have folksy names except for Derek Lowe who is the opposite of folksy. The other starters are named Tommy and Timmy, and the closer is Billy. They also have a set-up man named Petey. They have another starter named Jair with a little accent thing. Ok, fine. There's an exception to prove every rule.

*The "whos' going to pitch game 4 please not zito oh god its zito" torture.

Tomorrow we will discuss who should and who should not be on the Giants' 25 man roster.

An excerpt:

"While many are discussing the decision facing the Giants regarding Barry Zito, the more interesting development is whether the Giants will include Albert Pujols, Miguel Cabrera, or a cryogenically unfrozen Ted Williams to the roster. Bochy COULD add all 3, but then he'd have to leave off Nate Schierholtz, who plays such good late-inning defense."

Today's Poll Question

How do you feel about facing the Braves in the playoffs?

A) Good. They are not the Phillies.

B) Bad. They are a baseball team with 25 living baseball players on them. And we have to face them.

C) We're in the playoffs. I can't get over that.

D) 2002 was not sufficient revenge for what they did to us in 1993. It's payback time. (makes angry face)

31 Days of Magic! International Giants Day

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS: 2010 NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST CHAMPS!!!!

So much to say!

The immature part of me wants to focus on how we beat Mat Latos. Hey, you know that guy who hit a triple off you, Latos-ter? You know, our pitcher? Lifelong Giant.

But now is not the time to be petty. Today is International Giants Day, where we spend one day thinking non-tortured thoughts about how happy we are about our NL West champion Giants. They were 6.5 games back entering September. They finished 2 games in front. And we knew they had it the wholllllllllllllle time. Ahem.

Non-Tortured Thoughts

Great crowds all weekend. The Padres main blogger admittted it was the loudest crowd he'd experienced since the 98 Padres when they would play Enter the Sandman or Hells Bells or some other song heavily associated with death and Trevor Hoffman would run (slowly) out of the bullpen and blow hitters away with his 86mph fastball and his 47 mph changeup.

Favorite moment as somebody who was there for the clinch was when a Giants player bartered with a fan in the 9th inning, exchanging a baseball for the fan's "rally towel."

Can I say Marmol one more time? Please? Ok, I'll just whisper it. Marmol

Got two great texts this weekend. One said: "Marmol!" which made me laugh and made me feel good about the possibility that my idiotic ramblings are catching on out there. Second was far less mature, but still funny: "F#@# San Diego. All they do is listen to Stone Temple Pilots and talk about who has the biggest yacht." Which made me wonder: Do they do that simultaneously??

plus equals ?????

I gotta give some respect to the Padres, which, I admit, I'm only doing beause we beat them. They were a true underdog team, their best player was a hometown hero, they were suposed to finish last and they were in first all year, and holy crap did they beat the living hell out of us all season. Well, again, not really "beat the living hell out of us". More like tickle us and then poke us in the eye and then run away giggling. Ok, sorry, this was supposed to be "respect the padres" hour. Ummmm...many salutations to Mike Adams and the proud planet of Zorgordon? I am so bad at this.

Aubrey Huff has played more games without making the playoffs than every other active big leaguer except for Randy Winn (who is a good guy but, well, let's just say some of the teams he was on WOULD have made the playoffs except he was on them) and Michael Young who just made it for the first time too. How cool must he feel right now? And Buster Posey! He had never made the playoffs either, except for last year when he went to the little league world series! That joke never gets old.

Our bullpen is solid and the clincher was a great example. First we brought in Santiago Casilla who throws 98mph and then every 14th pitch will throw something other than a fastball just because the pitching coach tells him he has to.

Then in came Ramon Ramirez who has an ERA of .68, and who the Red Sox traded to us mid-season because apparently you get a prize if you finish 3rd in the AL East. Then in came Javier Lopez to face Adrian Gonzalez. Javy has given up 2 hits all season to lefties, and is still preparing, even now, to strike out Jason Giambi in the playoffs.

You know. Just in case.

In the 8th, we brought in Sergio Romo, who I admit I would hate if he wasn't a Giant. He throws those goofy frisbee pitches that start out 8 inches off the plate and then half the time come back around and the other half end up in the dugout. After striking out Yorvit Torreabla to end the inning, Romo yelled at Yorvit (possibly he yelled "You have a funnier name than myself!"). That might have seemed mean, but Giants fans know that Yorvit has been yelling at us all season. Every time Mike Adams struck out Aaron Rowand, there was Yorvit, pumping his fist, and screaming like a crazy man. Every time David Eckstein scored on a catcher's interference call, Yorvit was chest bumping him, screaming like a crazy man. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

And then the 9th. Does this picture say it all?

Giants Baseball: It's inside the magic box, Daddy!

Tomorrow we will discuss the playoffs.

Today, it's International Giants Day, and I'm loving it.

There were many times when things looked bleak. There were times when it looked certain that Andres Torres woudl spend the offseason beating himself in the chest as punishment for being a "bad Andres" and Aubrey Huff would go fishing and Buster Posey would volunteer at youth group and Pablo Sandoval would eat himself into a stupor. Yes, there were those times.

But then we won.

Craziness.

Today's Poll Question

What did you do when we clinched?

A) Wait, what? We won? Are you serious? You're not kidding? Now what am I going to do with my plane ticket to San Diego for tonight's one-game playoff?

B) I struck out Will Venable, did my hand thingy to honor my dad and then Buster Posey was jumping on my head.

C) I was watching on,....wait, are you Brian Wilson?

D) Cried. Cried like a baby. And I'm proud of it.

24 Days of Magic: 1 Day to Go: Something to make you smile

1 Day to Go
1 game up in division (i guess), 1 game up in wild card (if that even matters)

Giants fans. Really? Did you not see this coming?
How silly are you?
Of course Matt Cain gave up more runs in 1 inning than he'd given up in the last 5 decades.
Of course we rallied in 7 consecutive innings and stranded everybody, including members of the 2002 Giants who had shown up at the game to remind us that the Fat Lady has laryngitis.
Of course the Padres positioned their right fielder to stand on the wall in the corner in case Aubrey Huff happened to, you know, hit it right there in the 9th inning.
Of course Zito sucked.
Of course Jose Guillen hit into a double play.

What, you thought they'd be popping champagne?

Now, we have 3 scenarios for tomorrow's game which I can't avoid because I have tickets to actually go see it in person.
Keep in mind that my record is so bad, I even saw the Giants lose to the Orioles this year. And the Red Sox! The Red Sox!

1. Giants win. Hardy har har.
2. Giants lose, Braves win. 3-way tie. We play one-game playoff in San Diego. Win, and we win. Lose, and we play one-game playoff in Atlanta the next day. Win, and we play the Phillies in Philly the next day. Lose and we're out. Hmmmm. Might want to lose that one, actually.
3. Giants lose, Braves lose. This would be the weirdest. We'd clinch a playoff spot, but lose the division by getting swept at home. Technically, the Giants would go to their clubhouse and pop champagne. But it'd be weird. Yay! We got swept at home by a team who's leadoff hitter is Chris Denorfia! Yay! We play the Phillies who just swept a really good team on the road despite the fact that Ryan Howard batted right-handed and Charlie Manuel pinchran for Chase Utley in the 1st inning! woooooooo!

But let's not be so gloomy.
Here is a season's worth of humor from a Giants blogger far superior to myself. Enjoy.
And hey, maybe something good will happen tomorrow.
And hey, we can't be eliminated without somebody beating Tim Lincecum. That's worth something.
And hey....I get to boo Latos tomorrow.
And hey. Garlic fries.

http://www.mccoveychronicles.com/2010/10/1/1720148/6th-annual-grant-appreciation-day

Today's Poll Question:
WHY?
A) Because.
B) Not sure. Pass. Could it be...education?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BAx6Ib81Y4
(see 3:17 mark)
C) No Marmol.
D) We are cursed. Like the Cubs, but without the whole goat thing.

24 Days of Magic: 3 Days Left. Please. Please. Just one more win.

3 Days Left

3 games up in division, 1 game up in wild card

Other names for today's email:

"The Carlos Marmol Hour"

"Why Madison Bumgarner is hilarious"

Yesterday, the Giants clinched a tie for the division. Worst case scenario, they get swept by the Padres, the Braves pass them, and they play a one-game playoff Monday in San Diego for all the marbles, Tim Lincecum vs. Chris Young.

Oh, is that all? That's the "worse-case" scenario? Three straight days of excruciating losing, champagne sitting on ice in the clubhouse, taunting us, and then a horrifying torture-filled one-game playoff on the road against a fired-up Padres team coming off an amazing season-saving sweep? Oh, if that's the worst thing that can happen, then thank goodness. I thought something bad might still be possible.

But as Carlos Marmol finished off the 2-3-4 hitters in the Padre lineup in the 9th inning last night (he "Marmolized" them), I certainly had to admit that it is a lot better to be the Giants right now than to be the Padres. Yesterday, Madison Bumgarner was awesome. Much more awesome than when he was in AAA and he used to throw intentionally at hitters if they tried to bunt for a hit against them. "I had to tell him, 'how else are they supposed to get on base against you?'" his AAA manager said. "Don't take it so personal."

FULL CONFESSION: If that same story was about Mat Latos, I'd have spent 5 paragraphs ripping Latos. Fair enough.

Same with the story in today's Chronicle that Madison Bumgarner, upon being invited to stay at Jeremy Affeldt's house for a weekend, spent time lassoing furniture, and then asked Affeldt "to walk funny" so he could lasso his feet.

Wow.

I, uh.

Wow.

So it comes down to this. 3 games, and we need 1 win. If we don't get it, we get one more chance with Lincecum pitching Monday.

Tonight is Matt Cain. It's even Matt Cain's birthday. (He should be turning 26, but due to lack of run support, he's only turning 9). It's Orange Friday. The crowd is going to be insane.

But what if we lose?

Saturday afternoon, Zito pitches.

And if we lose that one...

Sunday it's Sanchez vs. Mat Latos.

Oy vay.

Meanwhile, the Rockies are now 8 games out with 3 to go, making them just 4-1 favorites to win the World Series.

Please, Giants.

Just one more win.

Just one.

And then three more.

And then four more.

And then four more.

No, stop. Bad Andy.

Just one more.

You're so close.

You're so awesome

(like this guy:)

You're so magic. Inside.

Time to bring it home.

Today's Poll Question

What are you doing tonight? Want to watch the game and tell me how it goes? I'll be under my couch.

A) I'm watching the game, but I can't text you updates because I lost my phone in a bet about how awesome Carlos Marmol is. I said "awesome", my friend said "more awesome than you think" and after 3 saves against the Padres in one week, I knew I had lost.

B) I have a date, sorry....with your wife, actually. She said she'd be free to hang out because you'd be under the couch. Hope you don't mind.

C) Why are you so scared? You're 3 up with 3 to go! Stop being such a weenie! Oh, right. I forgot;

D) Dang. I will be under my couch, too. I was hoping you would text ME updates. Want to switch off innings? I got dibs on "even."

Live Update: GIANTS WIN!

MARMOL!

Oh, wait, not Marmol.

GIANTS!!!!!

Let me just recap here.

Since September 4th, when we allowed (horror) FOUR runs in one game, we have played:

22 games

And we have allowed more than 3 runs in ONE of those games. ONE.

And that was at Coors Field.

That is amazing.

Ok, Padres. Good luck tonight. And remember, only the players who grew up in San Diego, went to college in San Diego, played in your farm system, and have only played with the Padres and no other team...only those players get to have their runs count.